Men, Summer and Romance

“Kuya, do you think I am ready for a relationship?”

“I have met this girl, and I wanna court her. Would you allow me?”

Text messages of the same context flooded my inbox when I woke up early this morning. These came from the group of men who are accountable to me in their walk to Christ. I immediately checked my calendar. It’s March. February and Valentine’s Day are long gone. It is already scorching hot outside and the summer air is already paving its way. So why on earth are they acting like hormonal-driven fox that searches the whole jungle to pursue his vixen? Is it just the heat of the season getting ahead of them? Is it just a part of growing up? Either way, I prayed to the Lord to give me strength, wisdom and conviction as I individually address this issue to them.

A romantic relationship between a man and a woman is not as simple as it seems. It is a tedious process wherein a man takes a leap of faith to find his suitable partner. It should be not taken lightly least of all be played at. It is not a game of trial and error but an introductory means to a pre-marital relationship between a single man and a single woman. It should be well thought out and properly prayed for. Because dating without any plans of marriage is like embarking to a war without any arsenal, in the end both of you will just meet your untimely demise. So what to do next? Heed to the Word of God. What does the bible says about dating? About romance? Here are some practical tips I picked up from various seminars and preachings. 

1.       Is she a woman of God?

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

1 Peter 2:9

You are called for a Royal Priesthood. You are the son of the King of Kings. You are a prince who deserves nothing more than a princess. Know if she is a woman God, a woman who loves God above all else. 

“Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.”

Deuteronomy 7:3-4

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness.”

2 Corinthians 6:14-15

The bible clearly says that intermarrying would corrupt character and potentially diminish one’s faith. Any relationship, may it be dating or courting, should always have Christ at its center. Otherwise, immorality and faithlessness would just rule over. And as a man of God, you would want a suitable partner that will help you build a family who live a life according to God’s will.

2.       Are you financially stable?

“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

1 Timothy 5 : 8

“But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”

1 Corinthians 11:3

The bible has clearly defined the role of man in a relationship. You are called to be the head of the household and therefore have the responsibility to provide for your family. That means endowing your family with their needs and sometimes, indulging them with their wants.

Since courting and dating is the pre-marital stage of a husband and wife relationship, you should be already financially prepared at this early stage for the role of a man does not come cheap. If your salary is not even enough for you, then think twice before attempting to date someone. Pray to God. If it is truly God’s will for you to marry, then He will provide. He is Jehovah Jireh you know.

I am not encouraging or discouraging you to date if you are still a student who relies on your parents for allowance. Know your seasonal calling.  You have been called to be a student at this moment in your life. Later on, you will receive the calling for matrimony. Do not hurry yourself.

3.       Are you emotionally able?

“ A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of”

Luke 6:45

Assess yourself. Have you let go of any unforgiveness? Have you not carry the burden of bitterness lately? Are you free of bondages? These burdens in the heart when compressed and stored would act like a ticking time bomb. In a definite amount of time, it will explode. It will not only affect yourself but also the people surrounding you especially your future wife.

So pray for a pure and clean heart. Yearn for a heart that forgives and forget. That way, no arguments will be big enough and no misunderstanding shall be strong enough to break away your relationship.

4.       Have you prayed for it?

“Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”

Matthew 6:10

Always seek the will of God in your life. Pray to your heavenly Father. Ask if it is truly the right time for you to settle down. Because if it is, then go and pursue her.  But if not, then pray for enlightenment. Pray and rely to God in eradicating the gray areas in your life. I will not make prayer complicated for you, just lift everything up and heed to God’s will.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

Matthew 7:7

5.       Do you have a conviction of a true Christian?

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”

1 Corinthians 6:18

The bible set forth a strict standard on sexual immorality. Though dating is the pre-marital stage, let us not forget that sexual relationship outside of marriage dishonors God. When inside a romantic relationship, temptations will rampantly come to you. So as men of God, it is your job to constantly remind yourselves to be free from sexual immoralities, to feed your soul with righteousness and deprive your body with immorality.

Have a strong conviction to rebuke the works of the enemy in the moment of temptation. Rely not to yourself alone but lean on the Spiritual counsel that was given to you by God. Always remember that you were sanctified by the blood of Christ. The old has gone and the new has come.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

2 Timothy 1:7

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.”

John 16:13

6.       Do you have enough Godly Counsels?

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

Proverbs 27:17-18

Christianity is a long and difficult journey. And you are not meant to walk with it alone. Find a group of men who have the same faith and stance as you. Be accountable to them. Confide to them all your worries. Let them correct you. You are never short of a spiritual family who is all too willing to guide and give you pieces of advice.

"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Matthew 18:20

And when temptation comes, ask them to pray for you. When you are about to falter, ask for their guidance. This is very essential especially when you embark into a romantic relationship. You need a group of individuals who constantly remind you of your faith, who will encourage to protect your testimony, who will be like an iron that sharpens you, and who will walk with you side by side.

7.       Does she even like you?

You do not need any biblical passage for this. This is common sense. At the end of day, no matter how much effort you exerted in pursuing her, the final decision lies within the woman. She has the choice to either say yes or no to you. So make yourself likable. Otherwise, everything will be in vain.

If she says YES, then praise God! If she answered NO, then praise GOD also. No matter what the outcome is, always remember that everything has a purpose. She might have said NO to you now, but who knows what God has planned for your future. Just wait for God’s perfect time for you. It will come sooner or later.

Credits to Victory Makati for inspiring me with these points. I hoped that it helped you decide. This ME, unexpectedly preaching.